Back in the Blog Groove: Reflecting on Moving, Partner Cohabitation, and the Utility of our "Look"
I'm not southern, for the record, I just like the utility of putting "hey you all" into a cute little colloquialism.
Anyways, you may have noticed a quiet hiatus on this blog for the past few weeks. This "vacation" from both sewing and blogging has been caused simply by taking the entire month of August for Sam and I (and Dominic) to move our lives, my studio, and ourselves into our new home in the south wedge of Rochester. Just an FYI, it may seem like a good long term idea to hash out the extra rent so you can take 1 month to move from house to house, but i'm telling you now you will STILL wait until the last minute to move all of your shit and you will STILL hate every minute of it.
Moving is fucking hard, and it makes you frustrated and angry and crabby which are things I've been avoiding to show Sam in the first 10 months of our relationship. Moving strips all of the barriers away and presents your partner with you at your worst. It's like a test, as to how you'll handle your bigger issues together in the future when you're long past the honeymoon phase.
I'm no relationship expert, but Sam and I are always putting the other person first. We try really hard, and when we break, we take a minute, comfort ourselves, and keep going. I've found a lot more thankfulness in my life now that we live together. I take nothing for granted, and every time he makes me dinner or grabs me a beer, I feel such warm love knowing that he doesn't have to do these things for me. He's not my family, he has no need to take care of me. He's the family I chose, and together with our dog we've made a little family. We're fresh and new. We're figuring it out everyday and it's been lovely every minute.
We've also been super duper broke. Just like totally unreasonably, definitely unfortunate, splitting $20 between paydays broke. Not to garner sympathy, just to set the scene. I've been actually really enjoying finding ways to weasel out of our old habits and into more mature ways of taking care of ourselves. After a month of having our kitchen packed up and eating take out, we cook for ourselves every night. We make our own coffee to take to work in the morning, and we buy just what we need from the grocery store. Maybe this isn't exciting for you and you come out of the womb balancing your check book, but I can see us becoming adults and it excites me.
I'm just now starting to dip my toe back into sewing. I haven't completely unpacked my studio but if I wait until everything is perfect, I'll never get back to sewing. I've got a few projects done, and i've cut out a blouse. I feel like my sewing mojo has been a bit depleted lately. Actually, my mojo for caring at all about my outwards appearance has been waning in general. I tried to make an august favorites post instead of this one and it was just literally "when sam makes me food" and "not wearing makeup to work." Seriously, moving has left me bare faced and unkempt for the month of august, and I still haven't jived on how to get my groove back. My hair is driving me nuts, my bangs are too long and my roots are grown out. I feel like there's nothing I can do to make it look good, and I can't afford a hair appointment until october. For these pictures in this post I showered and blow dried my hair, which used to exclusively be my only way of styling, and it's become apparent that's not cutting it. I haven't had long hair since I was 18, and I'm lacking in time and effort to style my hair. I don't have the time or effort to put makeup on before work, either. I'm tired, half of my things are in boxes, and thinking too harshly about my appearance makes me feel upset and depleted.
To be totally honest, I have been struggling with my relationship with my body in general lately. I don't like the shape of my face, with or without makeup. I don't feel confident in my wardrobe (work wardrobe) or the way my body looks while I'm trying to do my job. I just want my hair out of my face while I'm working so it ends up lobbed up on top of my head most days. I'm feeling frustrated, un-stylish, and too tired to put the effort in most days. A youtuber I quite like called spoke a little in her livestream about how when you're in a relationship long term, you put your love for yourself in someone else's hands. Someone else thinks your beautiful and sexy, so sometimes it feels like I don't have to do it for myself anymore. This is in no way an issue with Sam, but more an issue with myself and my mentality with partners. When I spent the year being single, I experimented with my look and had a lot of time to take care of myself. Right now I'm not sure how to get my self love groove back, but I'm focusing on getting back into sewing and saving enough money to get my mop fixed up.
If you have any advice on how to get your self love back on track, or even how to figure out my rats nest of a hair do, I would love to hear it down below. I hope to have some sewing content up on the blog next week, but until then i'm sending you much love from our new home.